Managing people

I attended a course called Managing People in the end of June in Oulu. It was lead by Dana Linkeschova and the course material was a book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey. Here is a summary of what I learned and some of my thoughts.

Reading through Stephen R. Covey's book, I started formulating my own Constitution, or 10 (actually even more) commandments on his suggestion. I have come up with the following ones so far, which are my core values and guidelines:

• Try almost everything at least once in your life.
• If you miss an opportunity, never mind. For most things there will be a second chance, sooner or later.
• Never give up. Your effort could make the difference.
• Be proactive.
• Treat everyone with respect and kindness. You never know, if the person you are interacting with will be your future neighbor, boss, or someone else significant.

• Practice forgiveness as much as you can. Be the first one to ask for forgiveness, even if you think it was not your fault.
• Have as much fun in life as you ever can.

• Travel as much abroad as you can. Travel light.
• Do not let go of friends easily. Do not let an offense ruin a friendship.
• Be merciful to yourself. Do not let a minor thing ruin your day.
• Do not accumulate debt, other than for a real estate.
• Do not let the sun set on your anger.
• Keep your life simple. Do not gather riches in this world.
• Be grateful and content with what you have, and remember to count your blessings.

Considering the principle on being proactive

One of the basic tenets of Mr. Covey is being proactive (Stephen R. Covey: Tie Menestykseen -  Seitsemän Toimintatapaa Henkilökohtaiseen Kasvuun ja Muutokseen, Gummerus Kirjapaino, 376 s., 1. painos 1997 (Finnish translation of the book). It means contributing to relationships around us and where ever we are involved, rather than being passive, negative, or waiting for others favors towards us.  I have started to pay more attention and effort on being proactive in job seeking and interpersonal relationships. Since the economic situation is tough and finding work is difficult, it would be easy to give up, thinking that I will not be invited to a job interview anyway and not compose another job application. In friendships it would be easy to respond to something hurtful by turning one's back rather than encountering the person and tackling the issue. In both cases it takes courage and perseverance, and the end result is not known in advance, but that is the only way to achieve something.

I agree with what Mr. R. Covey's thought that we are not hurt by what happens to us, but by our reaction to it (p. 79). Furthermore, we are not hurt most by others' actions towards us, and not even our own mistakes, but our reactions to both (p. 98). The author quotes Rolfe Kerr of not being afraid of making mistakes, which is not an easy lesson for the Finns, but rather that you do not know how to react to them in a creative and positive way, and to learn from them (p. 113). It is widely believed in America that an entrepreneur who has not gone bankrupt at least once or twice is not reliable. In other words, there must be evidence of having learned from mistakes. Does our current Finnish school system allow this? When I went to school, every performance on PE classes were always measured and this constituted our grade. Short-track running according to the achieved time, and in the swimming hall we got a grade as to from how high from the jumping tower we would jump. I ventured to jump from 3 meters, feet first, and got a 7. 10 points were awarded to anyone who would jump from 5 meters head first. I don't think anyone did that, though. In this case, it didn't really measure what we had learned in sports, as we were not really taught anything, but this case measure how brave, or foolhardy we were. I have always liked sports, and I have gotten medals and trophies in high jumping and later in floorball up to a Belgian and Turkish championships, but these sports classes on 8th and 9th grade did not foster love for sports. I hope that as a teacher I will measure progress, what the student has actually learned, and how well.

I think there is a lot of truth in not allowing other' actions hurt us and neither our thoughts about the deed. If we keep repeatedly thinking about something negative, it feeds the resentment, anger, bitterness, and other negative emotions. This, in turn, consumes a lot of physical and emotional strength, and captures our attention. Someone anonymous has said: “Pain is inevitable, misery is optional.” As a Finn, there is a strong natural tendency towards gloominess and melancholy, when something not so pleasant happens, but I try to battle this.

I recently read a book by Joyce Meyer about the battlefield of the mind (Battlefield of the Mind: Wnning the Battle in the Mind, Warner Books Inc., New York, 1995) which has similar thoughts with Mr. Covey. Meyer's book was an eye-opener, and talked about how our attitudes and thoughts really shape our mind, emotions, and relationships. For example, we may cause a lot of damage by thinking negative thoughts about our loved ones (or colleagues, bosses, whoever). Then we gradually begin believing our perceptions, that are sometimes misinterpretations, since we cannot know what the other person is really thinking. It is a relief to gradually be delivered from that cycle of ill thoughts and replace them with positive, proactive ones.

Time management square

The first time I heard of this four-square field of time management was in a marriage seminar last year, and the idea immediately struck a cord with me. According to Covey, the principle is that the importance of things is related to the results, and that urgency is often based on other people's expectations and priorities, rather than ours (p. 159). I admit urgency versus importance is sometimes difficult to determine or prioritize. I have a natural tendency to do the most time-consuming and demanding task first, and then do the nitty-gritty. On the other hand, if the biggest task is also the most vague, such as learning a new computer software, I will do the smaller and easier yet important things first, so that I have achieved at least something during the day, since learning new software may take all day, and then it is hard to measure achievement. This corresponds with the Pareton principle, according to which 20% of the activity creates 80% of the results (p. 164). As a task and goal oriented person, I like counting my achievements and crossing them over from my priority list.

Management and leadership

Mr. Covey states that management is doing things right, and leadership is doing the right things (p. 107). I used to study in Belgium in a private college that was administered by American rules and run by European staff. This meant that we had a lot of rules, some of which did not seem very sensible, such as, 'Wearing jeans is not allowed in class' and 'Do not bring away bread from cafeteria', since it may attract mice in the dorms, was the logic.

The Belgian-Italian staff stuck to the rules tightly, and either challenging them or neglecting them always lead to negative consequences, such as “last warning notes” or being considered a rebel. In Finland, we call that someone who initiates. For example, it was my chore to wash the lunch dishes with an industrial dishwasher. I came up with a practical solution of providing plastic baskets, where the eaters could put the dishes directly, rather than everyone stacking the dirty plates on top of each other with sticky pasta cheese that got stuck everywhere. My suggestion was greeted with anger, because I had dared to challenge the existing system, and the conclusion that “in case the health authorities visit the school, we may be in trouble.” In some another instances the responses were: “Because I say so”, and “Because we had always done it this way.”

Reading about the difference between management and leadership, I realized that the school was run by management principles, whereas in Finland leadership principles are practiced. In leadership, people within a system are allowed and even encouraged to come up with new, practical solutions, whereas in management system, new suggestions may be considered challenging the authority

of those who are in charge. I think management blossoms in places where strong hierarchy and elaborate power systems govern. In other hand, in Finland where solidarity is the norm, coming up with new ideas is welcomed and accepted more readily. On the other hand, the Finnish people

are very obedient to rules, whereas in countries where hierarchy is stricter, people tend to break the rules more often. And so it goes: Where people are trusted and are allowed to use their imagination and strengths, they do not feel the need to rebel or go against the system, but they come up with ideas and suggestions that are beneficial for the whole community.

Emotional bank account

The emotional bank, which some call emotional tank, or love bank in relationships, never closes.

According to Stephen R. Covey the emotional deposit must be as important for the receiver as for the one making the deposit (p. 202). This is a big reason why an emotional account gets more withdrawals than deposits. One also needs to know the love language of another person in order to make deposits, to communicate the feedback in an understandable way.

Several years ago I had a boss who was a gentle person and very good with negotiating difficult matters, and I admired him for that. I worked as his assistant, but I felt that my work was not appreciated very much. I got positive feedback from some individual tasks, but as a person to whom spoken words mean a great deal, I felt I would have needed more direct positive feedback. On some occasions I expressed that, but it did seem to make any difference. As a result, my loyalty and appreciation for my own work suffered. I knew that I did good work, but I concluded that I was capable for so much more, so eventually I sought after other employment. If I will ever be in a leadership position, I try to remember how much genuine, positive feedback means, and how much it improves the willingness and motivation for work. The concept of the love bank or tank is related to Maslow's hierarchy of the basic needs. This can be applied into classroom setting by giving the students positive reinforcement, and this making positive deposits. It does not only improve learning and increase motivation, but it also helps student's self-esteem, and leaves a positive mental note that there is someone (a teacher) who cares. I hope that I can be a teacher like this to my students.